Truth moment …
I’m no saint. I have an extremely saucy personality and can be a bit … mouthy when I want to be. At times I could use a better filter. My shade game is razor sharp and scarily precise (even when I don’t mean to be). When threatened (or shall I say when there is an attempt to threaten), I assess the “target”, figure out your weakness and I begin the very deliberate, quiet and confident pursuit of disassembling you. They don’t call it the “Art of War” for nothing, right?
That said, I am also a consummate professional and I’m hyper aware of my personal and professional reputation. You will never see me do ANYTHING to bring shame to my good name, my family or any company, client or service I represent. It’s too important to me that my name and reputation is synonymous with integrity, maturity, respect and accountability.
I share this about myself because I want you to know I, too, have had moments during conflict with others that I’m not especially proud of; however, there is a line. I believe it’s self-control, fear of embarrassment, respect for other humans and just a good village that keeps me from ever crossing that line.
Conflict is inevitable between people and certainly women. We are beautiful, brilliant beams of light. We are life. We have incredible power. We can be such beautiful examples of this human experience. We are responsible for so much during this walk of life so it’s only human that we lash out when offended. We literally carry the weight of the world EVERY day and when someone disrupts, threatens or brings negativity into our world we retaliate like a lioness. I also believe that when that disrespect or disruption comes from another woman, the offense is even more painful because there is an unspoken code that SHE knows better than anyone the road traveled and the weight carried. So it is my belief that we tend to be especially vicious with each other.
Last week I watched Married to Medicine, yet ANOTHER Atlanta based reality television show, for the very first time. What I witnessed was two “prominent” black women completely and utterly destroy their reputations with zero remorse for their actions. I was MORTIFIED as I watched these two women physically fight each other at a black tie birthday party. I literally couldn’t believe what I was watching. I was shocked to silence. Even more than the feeling of shock was that of embarrassment. I was so completely embarrassed for them that I found myself wincing in discomfort and writhing in pain.
I took to Twitter and read comments ranging from who was right, which side America should take, whether the homeowner should have called the police to break up the fight and much more. What’s sad is that I didn’t read many comments at all about the tragedy of two beautiful women tearing each other to shreds over something that could have easily been discussed another time.
What’s happening to us, people? When did this behavior become exciting? Funny? Entertaining? Acceptable? When did it stop being a tragedy to see two people have very little respect for themselves and others?
Hear me and hear me good. If you are publicly mirroring any behavior from reality TV whatsoever, please do everyone in your life a favor, find the tallest landing building you have access to and … jump. Ok, ok … not literally, but that’s how vehemently opposed you should be to this type of behavior, ESPECIALLY if you’re a woman. The fight I saw last week on Married To Medicine disgusted me. And what’s even more tragic – instead of rebuking their own behavior, they have the audacity be self-righteous. I swear on everything that I love, if anyone and I do mean ANYBODY from my camp EVER models this behavior it will be a cold day in hell before you have access to my life again.
The desire closest to my heart is that women learn how to truly empower and support each other even when that means applying a deep level of humility. Contrary to popular belief humility is NOT synonymous with humiliation. It takes such strength of character to embrace humility and reap its benefits. I believe that when we do, we will find a power that could truly change this world.
Think about it this way. God has given women the gift of being the giver of life. That’s extremely deep. Shouldn’t we be focused on how to honor that gift and draw from it to be powerful agents of change in this world instead of looking for the next opportunity to destroy it??
I’ve decided to no longer watch Married to Medicine and I’m slowly but surely eliminating all television that mischaracterizes the woman I am. I don’t want that spirit in my home and certainly not in my life. I refuse to accept that the behavior portrayed is okay. I refuse to accept that all women model this behavior. I refuse to make it easy for Bravo, WE TV and any other network to keep telling ME that this … this backbiting, vicious, undisciplined, unrefined, unloving, ridiculous, shameless being is the true representation of women today.
I am a woman. I am NONE of those things and I will no longer delight in the tragedy of that depiction.
I challenge you to do the same.
All the best,