I traveled on Wednesday and Thursday of this week so I was a bit behind in posting this week’s blog. On Friday morning, I awoke to … what could only be described as a real-life nightmare. Details were few and facts were even fewer, but what was clear was that a madman walked into an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, and shot several children and faculty. I was stunned to silence. I literally couldn’t move. I immediately cried. I couldn’t conceive of why something like this would happen. My entire body felt like I was carrying a 200-pound weight.
Those who know me know that Hubby and I have a son. He is the most important thing in this world to us. The thought of someone senselessly taking his life and leaving very little reason why scares me to my core. I always say to my husband, “You can’t predict crazy”. We can lobby for gun control and a dozen other issues to help minimize horrors like Newtown, but what we can’t predict crazy. Who knew that Adam Lanza was that close to the edge and would not only harm his family, but innocent children? There was no way to predict that Manhattan nanny Yoselyn Ortega would get up that morning and stab six-year-old Lucia Krim and two-year-old Leo Krim. Ortega showed no signs of that level of insanity. She’s worked for the Krim family for quite some time. Who knew that a simple midnight feature of The Dark Knight would turn into a literal nightmare? So … I ask you … how do we live in a world that can display such horrendous evil at a moment’s notice with few clues to forecast the impending doom? How do we send our kids to school everyday with peace that they will be safe? How do we go to work sure that the person working next to us hasn’t somehow slipped from reality and plans to harm anyone who crosses his/her path?
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
For me, it all comes back to the God I love and faithfully serve. It saddens me that after the horror of Newtown people would immediately say, “There is no God” and “If God existed, something like this would NEVER happen.” Are you kidding me?! Don’t you know that God sees all that happens to us EVERY day? He sees the woman being raped at this very moment. He sees the child being neglected by his/her parents. He sees the woman lying to her husband. He loves us all the same and places no more value to one life over any other. I can’t say why God allows these things to happen, but I do know that I trust Him. When He does allow evil to clearly shows itself, it’s a moment to survey your life and ask yourself:
- Am I living an honorable life?
- Am I kind to others?
- Am I treating people the way I want to be treated?
- Am I being selfless?
- Have I done something kind for someone else lately?
- Have I shown my family/kids/husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend that I’m not too busy to show them they’re incredibly important to me?
- Have I taken time to stop trying to get ahead at work to be the shining example that I charge others to be?
- Am I a liar?
- Do I cheat?
- Do I feel entitled? If so, why?
- Do I value human life?
These are by no mean ALL of the questions you should ask yourself, but it’s a good start for that mandatory self check-in we should all have every once and a while. We can’t predict crazy and there’s no way to know if you’ll be put in harms way. In high school two friends of mine were killed within weeks of each other. One while traveling back from a sports competition and the other was shot execution style while working at a restaurant during spring break. It broke my heart. But, one thing the school counselors said to me while helping us through our grief was, “Are you living a life worthy of living?” I had no idea what she meant at the time, but today I know. If each of us charges ourselves with “living a worthy life” and does a self check-in every once and a while then perhaps we can begin to mitigate the “crazy” that tends to pop up and leave us all speechless. Just maybe …
Listen. We don’t live in a Godless world. If you believe that and my saying otherwise offends you, then feel free to unsubscribe from my blog. I am a God-fearing woman who has seen His merciful hand in my life too many times to count. I know that it makes Him incredibly happy when I make good choices and it grieves Him when I don’t. We, humans, like to place weight or a value system to wrongdoing, but I’ll let you in on a little secret (that shouldn’t really be a secret): It doesn’t matter whether you lie, steal, cheat or kill, it ALL grieves God the same. He’s given us free will in hopes that we will always make the right choice.
I can’t begin to imagine the grief that the people of Newtown are feeling. I would give anything to take that pain away from the parents who lost their babies in that senseless massacre. I am praying for you all and will continue to pray until God clears my spirit to move on. There are no words that I could say that wouldn’t feel hollow at this point. So … instead I’ll pray. My heart is with you. My thoughts are with you. As a mother, my spirit grieves with you. And as a concerned citizen, I will vote and lobby to ensure this can’t happen again.
All my love, AskThePRGirl