Diary of A Mad, Interesting Woman

Welcome to the random (and sometimes ratchet) ramblings in my head about life, love and pop culture.

Tag: goals

And the Award Goes to …

Tales in being #WifeoftheYear and the day I made my Husband squeal (for a reason other than the one that just popped in your head)

Hands down, my husband is the greatest man walking the earth (to me). He’s wise, just and fair. He’s level-headed and calm (which is great because I’m generally a nut case 80 percent of the time). He’s a great father and an excellent example of just about everything for the children (which is great because Lillian started cursing at two because of me). He’s funny, sensitive to our needs, a hard worker and a great provider. I know, right?! We hit the jackpot, people!! You know this by my social media posts. Those posts aren’t to brag, that’s our real life! Honest!

My Hubby-Honey deserves all of the good stuff we can find to give him, but life gets in the way at times. Between buying a new house last fall, my brother and sissy-in-loves wedding, keeping up with the children and work schedules that continue to intensify, finding time to “check-in” with each other becomes harder and harder. Even more so, finding time to celebrate / appreciate each other is even harder. BUT, we’ve made the commitment to keep each other first so it’s an imperative that we refuse to let slip.

For Mother’s Day, my husband bought me a new MacBook and accessories.

What the hell am I supposed to do to top that??? It’s not a competition, but IT IS AN EFFING COMPETITION, you know what I mean?! He got the children looking at me like, “Whatcha gonna do for Daddy??” Son of a b*tch! I thought we weren’t spending money like that this year. I was unprepared! I was planning a nice dinner and some kid-free time. You can’t do that after someone surprises you with a new freaking MacBook! And so, I re-calibrated. Time to figure out how I can top his ridiculously awesome gift. This. Is. War!!!!!

I remembered that Dave Chappelle was coming to Atlanta for a week. BINGO! Dave Chappelle is on Hub’s top five list of comedians to see live. YES!

BUT, tickets have been sold out FOR-EVER. DAMMIT!

OH! STUBHUB!!! (note: NOT an endorsement or promotion. A b*tch just remembering her options.)

I race to the site and begin looking at ticket options. HOLY HELL! WHY are people trying to petition a lower left section of my lung and a ventricle for these tickets?! I’m not paying you $700 per seat!! Have you lost your …

WAIT! LOOK! Seats in the third row for less than $300!!

COME THROUGH JESUS! Grabbed the seats and began my plan to make my very reserved, humble, salt of the earth Husband, squeal like a girl.

On Father’s Day, he woke to a full-cooked breakfast and gifts of love from the children. After we ate, he plops onto the couch prepared for his “Daddy Do Nothing Day” (an unspoken rule on celebratory days in the Haley household). Just as he pulled up the blanket, got cozy on the couch and grabbed the remote, I hit him with the old Kansas City shuffle (note: I have no freakin idea if that’s what I did because I’m not actually familiar with what the eff a Kansas City Shuffle is, but it sounds good so let’s just go with it, kay?).

Me: Babe. I need you to go upstairs and pack an overnight bag.

Hubs: Overnight bag? For what?? What’s happening? What’d you do?? *insert excitement*

Me:

Me: Just do it! And pack something for going out tonight. Need you to look nice. We’re leaving in one hour.

Mom comes over as planned and we say goodbye to the children. We head out to the mall to take him shopping, check-in our hotel and grab lunch.

Side note: If you EVER visit Atlanta or need a staycation locally, I highly recommend the Intercontinental Hotel! Service is always great and they have a ham bar. Yes! A. Ham. Bar. Thinly sliced, cured ham served with house-made crackers, whole grain mustard and this dreamy apricot and peach jam. Lawd ta mercy!!! It’s heaven!!!

Back to my story … sorry about that intermission from my inner fat girl.

Hubs: Soooooo … what’s up for tonight?

Me: Welllllllll ….. I wanted to surprise you with a romantic ride on the Atlanta Skyview!!!!!

Now … my Husband does NOT do heights at. all. And the Skyview is a GIGANTIC Ferris Wheel. If a black man could turn white, this would have been the moment when it happened. But, true to form, my Husband would NEVER poo poo something that I’m excited to give him. He loves me too much to make me feel like a gift from my heart isn’t everything to him.

Hubs: OH! *looks nervous* That … sounds great, Babe! I’m sure it’ll be … *gulp* GREAT!

Me: JUST KIDDING!!! YOU HAVE THIRD ROW SEATS TO SEE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE CHAPPELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!! TONIGHT!!!!!

Hubs:

We head to the show and have a wonderful time. The opening act was a girl who could only be described as a dirtier, darker Amy Schumer. I loved her. The second act was a guy named Mo Amer who has appeared on the Late Night with Colbert. He KILLED it. We laughed SO hard. My face was hurting when he left the stage.

And then it happened.

DJ Trauma (Chappelle’s tour DJ) said something about “From Broad City” and I felt my Husband’s body tense. All of a sudden, Hannibal Buress walks out and my dear, sweet husband let out an audible man squeal.

BEST. MOMENT. OF. MY. LIFE.

And then … there was Chappelle.

He was incredible!! He’s clearly having a glorious moment in his career. He tackled issues of relationships, politics and more. It was such a great thing to experience together. And like a kid enjoying his favorite activity in the world, my Honey soaked in every minute. My shy, introverted, reserved Husband gabbed ALL THE WAY BACK to the hotel about how much he enjoyed it. His exuberance was infectious. And cute.

We ended the night with a ridiculous room service spread that should have fed five people, but we were high off laughter and didn’t want the fun to end. We talked and talked, laughed about nothing and then … he made me squeal … (and yes, I mean THAT … this time … *side eye glance and wink at your dirty mind*). #marriedandunashamed

While I thought it would certainly merit a fair share of “thanks Babes” for a night with Chappelle, I didn’t realize how much it would mean to him. This night was more than a cool experience. It told my Husband that I’ve paid attention to what delights him and THAT was what made the gesture, the element of surprise and the actuality of the experience so much more special. I paid attention during a time in our lives when doing so has become harder and harder as we get busier and busier. I paid attention.

And so, I humbly accept the award for #WIFEoftheYear. I’d like to thank my Mama for always rolling through in a clutch to keep these kids. I’d like to thank my covenant partners and friends who have been in marriage MUCH longer than me because they constantly remind me not to sleepwalk through my relationship, and never take it for granted. I’d like to thank my children for being well behaved enough that people will still babysit them. Shout out to Dave Chappelle and Hannibal Buress for sealing the deal on this much deserved honor. And, I’d like to thank my Husband, for making it so damn easy to want to  lean into him. To pay attention to him. He’s worth every moment of effort.

Love you. Mean it.

@AskthePRGirl

All gifs sourced from Giphy

 

The Purpose Driven Life

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I, like millions, watched Beyonce’ as she completely shut down Super Bowl XLVII this year.  I was utterly amazed by her performance.  I couldn’t believe what I was watching.  It was so clear this beautiful, talented, strong, provocative woman is living within her purpose.  She is at that kismet point when your passion, purpose and opportunity all intersect to create something otherworldly.  While watching her strut all over the Super Dome stage, I said to myself, “Hmpf, so this is what it looks like when you are operating within your purpose.”  It was really cool to see someone doing exactly what she was born to do.  She is perfection not because she’s perfect, but because she is authentic.

Last night on her HBO documentary Life Is But A Dream, Beyonce’ shared her heart.  She showed the world that she’s just like the rest of us.  She experiences fear, anxiety, emptiness, exhaustion, frustration, anger and sorrow.  She feels unsure at times.  How crazy is that?! Beyonce’ feels unsure?!  I think most of us believe that if we had her body, talent and weave there’d be no room for fear.  But she’s human.  And even though she is living what we view as the perfect life complete with money, a superstar husband with swag for days and people at her beck and call, she still experiences deeply vulnerable moments.   It’s a lesson to us all to remember that public figures are people who are living within their dreams.  They are no different than we are.  That’s hard to imagine when you’re living Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston’s level of fame, but … look how those stories ended.  It was their human moments that revealed the most about them.  I’m honored by Beyonce’s decision to share her inner thoughts with everyone, particularly women.

When the documentary ended, I found myself extremely emotional.  I ended up in a deep, five-hour, all night heart to heart with my husband about my own fear, anxiety, emptiness, exhaustion, frustration, anger and sorrow.  Mostly we talked about my dreams and my fear that they’ll never come to fruition.  Here’s a little insight into my … brain: I have a tendency not to speak out loud those things that I really want in this life.  Let me explain what I mean by that.  I know that words have power (the Good Book tells us that).  When I speak my dreams aloud, several things happen that render me paralyzed:

  • The responsibility to take steps to make the dream happen (i.e. doing the work necessary to help it all come to pass)
  • The fear that I’ll be shamed if/when people are aware of my dreams and judge my ability to make them happen
  •  The fear that my dreams will come true … and what that will mean for my life and my relationships

I’ll give you a small example.  I left a powerhouse public relations agency in 2010 after a very contemptuous relationship.  I didn’t feel supported. I was a new mother and I needed the freedom and autonomy to be available to my family while still working within the field that I love.  Not 30 days after leaving my job, I started Haley Communications Group.  Now, most people would have shouted that from the rooftops.  The more people who know, the greater opportunity to sign new clients and create new business opportunities, right?  Not me.  I hid it.  I didn’t even create a Facebook page to announce until I had already been operating for over a year.  Why? What if I failed?  What if this was a big fluke and I made no money?  What would people say about me if it turned out that I considered myself smart enough to run my own business, but in actuality my business was a big freaking flop?  A pipe dream.  That judgment and possibility of ridicule kept me silent.  I can’t fail in front of people.  I can’t bare that side of myself to people!  I don’t want people to look at me and think, “Hmpf. I knew she was all talk. I figured it was all smoke and mirrors.  She’s a pretty face.  Nothing more. Moving on.”  That fear of judgment keeps me up at night.  It is the crossroad at which I constantly stand.  Do I shout my dreams to the world and take the leap no matter what the result?  No matter what people say?  Or do I keep my dreams inside and keep pacing along in life at what I’m good at, but have absolutely no passion for?

One of my mentors once told me that I would be a force to be reckoned with when my purpose and passion align with the right opportunity.  I couldn’t even receive his words because I’d already convinced myself that it’s not in the cards for me.  I hadn’t even tried and had already counted myself out!  How incredibly insecure!?!  But that’s my truth. I count myself out without even trying.  Judgment from others paralyzes me.  Feeling ridicule or shame paralyzes me.  I have all of these BIG dreams and goals of empowering women and using my voice to change the way we think about self and the way we love each other.  But I have done nothing, and I do mean nothing, to operate within that purpose other than run my mouth to my friends.  It makes me sad sometimes.  I even get angry with myself sometimes.  But fear is … seductive and comfortable.  It speaks so much louder than my purpose most days.  But recently, I’ve been feeling a little brave.  I feel like it’s time to breakup with fear.  We’ve been in a relationship for far too long.  I’ve given fear my all and she’s given nothing in return.  That ends now.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been different.  I’ve always felt different from other people.  I think differently.  I consume information differently.  I analyze information differently.  I love differently.  There’s been this … this … “thing” there that made me aware that I’m not quite like other women.  I don’t say this to sound arrogant or “I’m better that you”.  I say it to reveal that this “thing” has been percolating in my spirit since my very first memory in life.  As the years have gone by, and my relationship with God has become more and more intimate, I now know that the feeling that I’ve been experiencing is the birth and development of my purpose.  I was blessed to be awakened to it at an early age and I’ve spent years introspectively learning what marrying myself to my purpose would mean for my life.  I’ve always been the type to apply for the “impossible” job and align myself with the “impossible” opportunities. Ironically, I’m fearless on paper.  I applied for a job at Tyler Perry Studios every day for a year in hopes that I’d get a call back.  I never did and ever so often, I still send in my info because like the lottery, you can’t win if you don’t buy a ticket.  I’m able to be fearless in many areas of my life, but not with my dreams.  Crazy, right?!

Oprah often speaks about having the courage to dream.  My husband says, “Shoot for the stars because even if you miss, you’ll land on the clouds … and that aint bad.”  How many of you are allowing fear to cripple you?  How many of you haven’t even taken the first step to your dreams because you’ve already counted yourself out?  *raises hand*  Well, no more.

Let today be the day you shout to the heavens ALL of those things that you want from this life.  This life isn’t a dress rehearsal.  If you leave tomorrow, will they play Beyonce’s “I Was Here” at your home going?  What will people say about you?  I’m afraid that my loved ones and colleagues will say, “She could’ve been something amazing.  Wonder why she wasn’t?”  Don’t give anyone the opportunity to say that about you.  More importantly, don’t accept that for yourself.  If Beyonce’ has insecurities even with her infinite, amazing stardom surely it’s okay that you do.  The difference between us and her, is that fear doesn’t have the last word in her conversation.

Let’s start living this life with no regrets.  Let’s kick fear in the balls and send it back to the pits of hell.  Let’s go for it.  ALL of it.  Whatever it is, no matter how crazy it sounds, I’m with you.  Tell me your dream and I’ll pray with you that God imparts the exact path to making it happen.  What do you want from this life?  I challenge you to stop telling yourself that you’re too old, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, not unique enough.  I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH.  Write down your dreams and speak them aloud to yourself EVERY day.  Words have power.  The more you speak them, the more you tilt the universe towards you.  The more you speak them, the more you believe them.  The more you speak them, the more God reveals the path.

Fear no more.  Go do the impossible.  And if there is not one soul around to tell you that they believe in you, allow me the honor to be the first.  Hear / feel me when I say:

I. Believe. In. You.

Love you. Mean it.  ~AskThePRGirl

P.S. Life IS but a dream … but ONLY when you’re living in your purpose.  🙂