What’s Next?

by asktheprgirl

just a kid

I’ve worked really hard in my career to reach a certain title. I’ve literally been blinded by nothing but TITLE for the last three to four years. And now that I have it, I have no idea what to do next. I’m not even sure I’m happy or fulfilled with it. Standing in these shoes doesn’t quite feel like I thought it would. Of course nothing is EVER as it SHOULD be when you’re brown in corporate America, but … I dunno … I thought things would be different. I thought I would feel different. I thought … oh hell … I don’t know what I thought.

Have you ever felt that pulse or drumbeat or hum of excitement when working? That tangible feeling ? That “thing” that makes work feel like it’s not work?

I have. I was there. About a year ago. Circumstances, people and politics pushed me away from the situation, but I felt it. And for a brief moment, I was living in my passion. Do you know how exhilarating that is?!?! I woke up EVERY day excited about what I’d be doing, who I was doing it with and scared stupid that I’d get it right. But, I was happy. AND I was learning (which is REALLY important on my “professional happiness meter” because I get bored VERY easily). Now that it’s gone, I’m feeling a little “ho hum” about my every day work life. I work with amazing people who are kind, generous and represent values that are hard to find in corporate. But … I’m … not humming. There’s no hum. No vibration. No energy. No Jack standing on the boat yelling, “I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!” When I wake up in the morning, I literally talk myself into my day. Every. Day.

The crazy thing is, I know exactly the industry that would make me hum, but it’s inundated with hopefuls, wannabes and frauds. It’s incredibly hard to tap into AND it’s cutthroat. Now … I get that. I’m a logical person. So, why would a logical person desire cutthroat mania versus the calm field of lilies she’s currently skipping through? Oh hell … does this HAVE to be a quiz?! Can’t I just get shit off my chest in a conscious stream of thought without you interjecting rational effing questions?!?!?

*woooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaah*

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to project my frustration.

Let’s make up, mmkay?

Come here. Give me kiss.

Anyway, I’d risk it all because in my heart of hearts it’s my first love. It gives me LIFE. ENERGY. Fuels my veins. Remember that old saying – “Choose a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”? It’s that! That’s what I’m seeking. Even the hard stuff in my passion area feels “easy” compared to existing in a perceived easy place for another paycheck.  Am I making sense?

At the end of the day, I’ve got to figure out what’s next for me. I’ve been in the game over 10 years and I think I finally know what I want (notice I’ve not actually “said” what “it” is because putting it in the atmosphere scares me and WORDS HAVE POWER and I don’t want detractors or distractors pissing all over it), but I don’t quite know how to get there. I’ve had a few “mentors” who really didn’t mentor me at all. Thankfully, I’ve now surrounded myself with professionals who see me and really want to help me design the career path that allows me to work in my passion area rather than watch it from a far saying, “I could do that!”

So … what’s next for me? And how do I get there? I’m 30 plus, married with two children and THIS is the thought that keeps me up at night.

Every. Night.

How about you?

Love you. Mean it.