What Do I Do?
by asktheprgirl
Hey Loves!!
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged anything for a few reasons:
- I only want to blog when I have something to say and for a while there … nothing relevant / thought-provoking came to mind. I mean … there’s only so many times a girl can talk about the “ratchetness” of reality television
- Career + Mommyhood + Being the perfect Wife (#shedidthat) + Pregnancy = all-consuming. There’s almost not enough time in the day to bathe let alone come up with something pithy to say to you guys
- I’ve been working on self which requires silence. You can’t hear God if you’re constantly talking.
So, while I probably lost some faithful readers, I needed this time to adjust. And you should always know that I’ll only speak when I truly have a topic that will benefit you, or at the very least, make you laugh. And moving forward, the posts may not be very long. Just enough to get you thinking.
Here lately I find myself back in the midst of a relationship issue that’s giving me … pause.
Ever felt like something wasn’t quite right in your relationship (friendship, marriage, GF / BF, brother / sister, etc.), but you can’t quite put your finger on it? Actually you can put your finger on it, but the “issues” are small and appear unworthy of attention … until you add up the issues and the time you’ve been dealing with them up and you realize … “SHIT! We’ve been dealing with this for a while!”
Yeah … welcome to my world. My favorite thing to say to people right now is that I’m “dealing with real world sh*t” in my life (like raising kids, juggling my career) and thus I’m a bit slower to catch on to things. *Ye shrug*
How do you address an issue with a loved one that you know is there, but have no idea whether your loved one is feeling the disconnect? How do you even broach the subject? To have a formal sit down is too formal. To bring it up randomly during a get together is too … random. When a relationship means the world to you, how do you address an issue that could potentially cause irrevocable harm if not addressed? Especially when you’re dealing with someone who would rather chew off their own left arm rather than confront it? (I mean hypothetically … which must be said after that last Scandal episode with Olivia’s Mom. Good Lawd!)
That’s it. I don’t have the answer. If I did, I’d tell you. I want you to tell me. Hit me back in comments or tweet me (@AskThePRGirl). This is important to me. This time … I need your perspective. I mean, this is no one-sided relationship. You’ve got to pull your weight! 🙂
I look forward to hearing from you. And once I’ve sifted through all of the comments, I’ll be sure to come back to you all with the solution I chose and it’s outcome.
All the best, AskThePRGirl
P.S. I’ve missed you. We should chat more 🙂
P.P.S. Don’t I look cute pregnant?? #SHEDIDTHAT (photo courtesy of @JennBinsPR)
Diary of A Mad, Interesting Woman 
Well, the first thing that came to mind was – don’t tell people bad news they already know. You just make them mad. You can’t “make” someone face something they don’t want to acknowledge, and in this case – if you can’t quite put your finger on it, my guess is that you won’t have specifics to discuss and that’ll make it really hard & awkward (especially with someone who would rather chew off their arm than face these kinds of things)….
My thought is that you are not yet ready to have any kind of conversation. Instead, I think I would try to approach the person with the kind of love, silence and calm energy that you are using in your own self-growth mode. Just be quieter around them – drive the relationship less (ie, let them drive it) – observe their behavior and your own, and your feelings. See if you can get a little more clarity around what exactly is bothering you. Then maybe the words & time will come to you more naturally.
Friendships have ups & downs just like all other relationships, and this might just be a “down” time for you two – or maybe it’s time for the friendship to end, for the two of you to take a break, or…. not sure! Only you can suss that out.
One of the things I learned in therapy a long time ago is that we often create the same amount of tension in our adult lives as we became accustomed to in our childhoods – so if in your childhood there was a certain amount of chaos or confrontation going on, that’s what you learned was “normal” and you are oddly uncomfortable if it’s missing. Doesn’t mean you had a “bad” childhood, by the way! Not saying that. Just saying that whatever mode you grew up exhibiting / tolerating / modeling or whatever – that’s the mode you’ll gravitate to as an adult unless you are very deliberate about making a change. This relationship might be a perfect place for you to try to do that – a gift, if looked at in this way.
We also often use our childhood coping mechanisms to deal with grown up problems – and it’s not usually satisfying over the long run. We have to evolve & grow or we get progressively less happy with our lives. Again – it’s a gift to notice that and to change as a result.
I’ll be eager to hear how your conversations with yourself and your friend go! XOXOXOXOXO
Thank you PRGirl for showing some love to your followers. Your voice has been sorely missed.
In regards to your conundrum, I believe you are making this issue more complex then has to be…versus keeping things simple. Just like your gut (i.e. spirit) is speaking and awakening you to the action that a conversation must occur in order to derail/avoid irreversible damage to the relationship, it is essential to listen to your spirit for the “now” moment for action.
Stop being so formal about the “how”. Each relationship has it’s own ebb and flow. You know that ebb and flow with this friend. Get your mind (i.e. brain) off of the friend’s actions and place it on the objective…..the objective is to re-connect…to demonstrate love….to comfort….to heal…to grow together in the relationship.
Does anyone have to tell you how to reconnect with your husband? Good Lawd! I’d like to see the B**ch who tries to do that (lol). Does anyone have to tell you how to reconnect with your son? H**l No! The answer is already within you. And yes, it’s ok to gather ideas from followers; yet, at the same time you already know you will review each idea and handle it the “PRGirl” way. You, my dear, rise and fall on your own merit…you take responsibility…you make things happen…and you are very resilient.
So I say, this idea gathering tactic is a means for you to “settle” your mind. It settles within you the step you know you must take….and yes, you must take the step first. Don’t get mad at me on why God built you this way. Embrace “who” you are and remain at peace. The world needs your unique qualities. You are like no other.
Here’s the simplicity of the matter: this friend loves you. You love the friend. There will probably be uncomfortable moments during the reconnection process, however, you are a “ride or die” friend (for life) so, rest on the assurance that those difficult moments too shall pass.
Did I say, that getting a blog from you at this time of year makes it so much more special? Your parents must be so proud of you. **wink**
Happy Holidays!…to you and your family.
Thanks Mom :-). I now have my answer and it came as a result of opening the door to the solution. I love you 🙂
Good morning FABulous Mommy-To-Be!
As a woman with 6 siblings, parents who know no real boundaries, and a smattering of friends…I’ve been here before. The first decision I usually make is whether to talk about it with the person, or just act on it. My younger sister and I fell out as my older sister and I placed cement on our forever changed relationship. I decided that my relationship with my younger sister, for whom I am a positive influence, was worth more than being right about the situation. I told her that I’d noticed the distance, but I didn’t want it to turn into a long term situation so “let’s just squash it and move on.”
Grace allowed me to approach her with forgiveness as the goal. Wisdom demands that I never put her in a position for us to fall out over a similar issue.
I know you said you don’t feel like making the first move, but at least decide what you want the end goal to be. Then, make sure every decision concerning that person moves towards that goal w/grace and wisdom.
Let us know how it works out!
Love this. Love everything about this. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I forgot to say – though I was thinking it as I wrote – that your mom would undoubtedly give you the best advice. And I was right! 🙂
She did give great advice, but you also gavr me much to consider. Thank you. Xoxo