25 Things I’ve Learned About White Women From Reading Erotica
I dedicate this entry to my absolute favorite authors in this space: @E_L_James, @BethKery, @SylDay, @SylvainReynard, @SaraFawkes, @JenniferProbst, @Megan_Hart, @SC_Stephens_, @TinaReber and @JamieMcGuire_. I have read each of your books over and over again with new zeal and discovery each time. Thank you for providing a fantasyland for an overworked Mom to escape. Oh … and my Husband thanks you also 🙂
And to the one woman who encouraged me to make time for myself and read … My Sissy, @Celedon_Chic. You are my sunshine …
I love white women. Perhaps not the way a “Polo wearing, golf playing, sweater around the shoulders, country club membership” black dude loves white women, but I do have a great appreciation and respect for them. They are among the most cultured, sophisticated and politically savvy people in existence. I don’t think there’s anything they can’t do. I believe they come out of the womb knowing how to throw a good dinner party and give a solid BJ. And how can you not respect a woman who can do that?! Epic. Mad respect.
I’ve grown up in a predominantly white environment my entire life. Since the age of 10, I’ve lived in predominantly white neighborhoods, attended white schools (including college) and even went to a majority white church until I was 16. Even my best friends (and still most cherished relationships) as a kid were white so needless to say, I felt pretty confident that I’ve been schooled in the thoughts and methods of this mythical creature. They are extremely loving, giving and when it comes to having a good time … you don’t know partying until you’ve experienced it with them. I have woken up with my false eyelashes on my bare naked foot after a night with one of my white GFs. Meanwhile, this heifer is fully dressed, making coffee and looking like she just stepped out of an issue of Sorority Girl Today. I’m thinking, “How does she do that?!?” Magic. It happens in the womb. You’d think white women were God’s chosen people instead of the Jews. Maybe He just likes them a whole lot. I dunno. Oh, and don’t make her mad because she will go to work on you … and then she’ll go to work on you. You’ll end up jobless, manless and bitter while she sips by the pool and thinks, “Pity. She should’ve quit while she was ahead.” I’ve seen it happen. My girls don’t play!
After years and years and several special relationships, I thought I knew pretty much everything there was to know about them … until this year. By popular demand, I read E. L. James’ infamous Fifty Shades of Grey series, which literally sent me down a rabbit hole chasing books in the same genre. Why? Because not only was I getting a glimpse into their sexual fantasies (something they NEVER discuss publically because it’s in very poor taste), but it’s as if I was catching an intimate glimpse of they’re inner thoughts about themselves, life and love. At first I started to discount it as a European thing because you know those folks have VERY evolved ideas around human sexuality; but, as I continued to find more and more authors like Beth Kery (one of my ABSOLUTE faves … no one is more deliciously dirty than my girl Beth), Sylvia Day, Sara Fawkes and Sylvain Reynard it was clear that this isn’t simply a foreign thing. I mean … the Fifty Shades phenomenon has conservative American, sterling silver tea set, Martha’s Vineyard vacationing women reading erotica out in public. Hell, I went to have my Mercedes routinely serviced a few weeks ago and THREE individual women were reading erotica right before my eyes in the waiting room! Wanna talk about mind blowing?! Consider my brain evaporated.
Upon further research of several different books, which my husband has thoroughly enjoyed, I began to see themes. And after many glasses of wine with my Sissy @Celedon_Chic, it hit me. By God, I believe I’ve learned at least 25 things about white women that hadn’t occurred to me before. Some of the realizations were simple “oh yeah, that makes sense” thoughts. Others were, “WOW. Really?!” Even more astonishing, and perhaps a bit comforting, was that their desires and fantasies aren’t too different from my own. Actually, they really are my own.
So … here are 25 Things I’ve Learned About White Women From Reading Erotica:
1. They love wealthy men. Not rich. Wealthy. I’m talking he must own part of a major metropolitan city, jets (plural), clubs (plural), small people and politicians. It’s sort of like that old saying, “I want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets.” Well, that’s what my Anglo sisters fantasize about. An extremely wealthy man who is pleasing and very well behaved in public and gets VERY dirty at home … and in elevators … and pools … and boathouses … and boats … and … well, you get the picture.
2. While the man must be wealthy, they don’t like to feel like a gold digger. It’s very important that he understands that his money is HIS money and they are not with him because of the money … even though it’s a required prerequisite. Very peculiar.
3. Her man must be well equipped in the *ahem* pants areas. I’m talking long, strong, take a hit of a freshly rolled joint before recreation activity can begin. She wants to see it and pause. A good … long … pause.
4. Her man must be in pristine physical condition. An Adonis. A Greek god. A literal deity in physical form. So beautiful that he makes her feel a bit self conscious about her own appearance.
5. While the Adonis she is dating makes her feel self conscious about her appearance, she’s actually the perfect woman. Perfect hair. Perfect body. Perfect … everything. So perfect in fact that he’s never seen a woman like her that was able to turn his head AND keep his attention.
6. She and ONLY she beguiles her man. So much so that he can no longer see other women. Can’t imagine what another woman could have that would be more intoxicating than what she provides. So … basically her man doesn’t cheat. Ever. Why? Because she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and has platinum between her legs … even if she’s a virgin. Mad. Respect.
7. She has confidence / self-esteem issues. She never feels pretty. She has to be reassured that she in fact is beautiful even though she just happens to be the most beautiful girl in the room. Every man wants her. Every woman wants to be her. And even though she has a PERFECT body, breasts and hair in EVERY book, she’s oblivious to the point. I don’t get that. Hear me and hear me good, people. I DON’T NEED NOBODY TO TELL ME THAT I’M THE HOTTEST THANG WALKING THIS PLANET. It’s nice when others notice, but please believe when you do notice, you’re catching on to something I already know. Ya heard me?
8. She likes to be dominated and yet assert her independence. She likes when he’s aggressive in the bedroom and even outside to a certain extent, but when he crosses this invisible line in her head, all bets are off. In my opinion, the dumbest arguments arise from this very issue. It’s sticky to tell a man, “control me, but don’t control me.” But … I digress.
9. She loves the “F” word. LOVES it. Enough said.
10.She loves the “P” word. It’s literally printed in Beth Kery’s Wicked Burn 64 times. 64 TIMES! I counted on my Kindle reader app. Now, maybe this is just a dirty little fantasy for my girl Beth, but I’ve literally read it in these books more than I’ve seen my own … *ahem* P. I’m 33. I’ve seen my own a healthy number of times. Perhaps not more than the aesthetician that waxes me, but I’m aware of what’s going on down there.
11.She likes dirty talk. Ok … not dirty. Filthy. The filthier the better. I’ve read things that have literally made ME blush (and smile wickedly). Like … put the book down a moment and stare into space to let it sink in. There is a scene in Sylvia Day’s Bared to You that literally … I mean … the things Gideon says and does to Eva sometimes just … woo child.
12. She’s into sex toys. I’m talking things I’ve never even heard of and surely wouldn’t know what to do with if I came across it. For that, Hubby and I would like to thank E.L. James and Google.
13.She is open to BDSM. Don’t know what that is? I suggest Google. I will say that some of the stuff I read sounds really painful. Painful enough that I’d probably slap the whole sh*t out of my Hubby if he suggested it, or introduced it without permission but, it does make for an interesting read.
14.She loves classical or eclectic music while having sex. That’s only peculiar to me because I typically don’t associate sex with classical music. It’s good music for reading or quiet meditation. But sex?? I prefer a good rhythm and blues playlist. I need a man begging, or confessing his love, or confirming what’s about to go down in the room to a sexy guitar or an 808. You know, stuff like that. It’s just a preference. Perhaps I need to look into a little Bach to get down with the get down. *shrugs*
15.They have insatiable sexual appetites and don’t seem to ever get tired … or sore. I’m telling you, some of those times Christian climbed on Ana in Fifty Shades I would have had to tell him to find something else to do. Surely with all the money that you have, there must be a hobby lurking around here that you can turn your attention to. My precious needs to rest. Please and thank you.
16.When venturing into unknown territory, like a salacious, toe-curling sexual relationship, someone she trusts must validate her feelings/decisions. Typically a girlfriend or gay boyfriend.
17.Her friends are always her polar opposite. If she’s quiet, awkward and demure (as she most often is in these stories), her friends/confidents are vivacious, brave and unbridled.
18.She loves her mother, but often make drastically different life choices. And, generally in the stories I read, she’s always a daddy’s girl. THIS I love.
19.She loves a man who can speak without speaking. He speaks with his eyes, with his hands and with his body. WHOLE conversations are happening in these fantasies and very few words are spoken. Lots of “ohs”, “ahs” , “shhh” and “please”, but not much more.
20.She is fixated on a sexy head of hair. Nothing like when her guy runs his hands through a perfect head of hair in frustration or as a prerequisite to some dirty interlude. Either way, it drives her wild!
21.Having sex with a complete stranger isn’t always just a wild fantasy. Of course this could simply be Beth Kery’s fantasy, but this theme exists in many books. Perhaps not a complete stranger, but it doesn’t take several dates to get into her pants. No judgment. Just an observation. I went to college. I understand how this can happen. Again, Europeans are light-years ahead of the US when it comes to sexual themes and sexual choices. I consider American white women the new age, worldly woman of the States.
22.She is often betrayed by her own genitalia. When a man controls her body, there is always an instantaneous pull and/or reaction in the groin area. Think Ana/Christian in Fifty Shades or Eva/Gideon in Bared to You. How often does she feel that “familiar pull” down nether which betrays what she actually wants to do? She wants to talk or leave or fight, but with one look from him she is rendered unable to make the choice her mind wants. OR did she really just get what she actually wanted all along?!? These women are Jedi masters. Who knows?
23.She has a great career with endless possibilities. She’s a Dante scholar-to-be studying at Harvard, an Art Historian / Curator at the Chicago Metro Museums of Fine Art, Book Editor for up and coming publishing house. The list goes on and on.
24.When participating in a life altering, sexual / love relationship, she constantly doubts the viability of it. It’s not enough that he’s perfect, she’s perfect and they both live in perfect worlds. No, something is going to tear it ALL apart at any moment. Something is going to stop her from having this dream life that she doesn’t deserve. Yeah … she can get real Harlequin Romance / Scarlett Ohara on ya on a moment’s notice.
25.There appears to be very few pops of “color” in her world … outside of her wardrobe. *side eye glance*
Every point doesn’t apply to EVERY woman. These are simply themes that are heavily present in EVERY book I’ve read. Perhaps it simply makes for good reading. BUT … it does make one think. If ALL of these stories carry the same theme and the erotic genre is gaining popularity, wouldn’t that say that these ideas and fantasies are present in a majority of white women? Yes! And while I’ve enjoyed erotica featuring black stories from authors like Zane and Eric Jerome Dickey, I must say it’s been interesting to take a peek behind the veil of my Anglo sisters. Very interesting, indeed.
Laters baby (and happy reading), AskThePRGirl